monsters

MUSIC HATH CHARMS

Being a carny, Charlie Barker has an affinity for the calliope.  Yet, he can still appreciate different forms of musical expression.  Today, there are three tunes he would like to share.

The first little number is about a single mother and her young daughter who rely on a LULLABY to keep the monsters away.  Let’s hope it works.  Next, it’s the tale of THE TELL-TALE JUKEBOX.  It’s the same old song and dance about a murderous bartender haunted by the ghost of his victim – well the ghost’s favorite song on the jukebox, anyway.  The last composition is called THE YOUNG SNAKE-HANDLER about a girl who charms the slithery beasts through music.

That’s all you get.  Three tunes.  If you want more, you’ll have to come back again next time.

TASTY TERRORS

If Charlie Barker had a tongue in that boney old skull of his, you can bet it would be planted firmly in cheek.  But there are better uses for tongues, ladies and gentlemen.  In a literal sense, it is a matter of taste.

On the menu for this time are a trio of tasty terrors.  First up, it’s a monstrous good time as two fantastic creatures debate the merits of human cuisine.  More precisely, humans AS cuisine.  You can bet that it TASTES LIKE CHICKEN.  Next, how do you spice up a vampire’s bloody awful diet?  Find out in DELIVERY SYSTEM.  Then, we finish it all off with dessert because THE ICE CREAM MAN IS COMING.

Once you’ve filled your gullet, it’s time for the sideshow to close.  Fear not, there will be more treats next time.  It’s just too bad old Charlie didn’t get his fill.  Yeah, he doesn’t have the guts for it.

IT’S A MAD MAD MAD MAD JURASSIC WORLD

The sideshow has all sorts of wonders.  Charlie Barker can only related but a few.  This time around, he proposes the possibility that dinosaurs and people were not separated by millions of years of evolution as most commonly thought.  Three tales of reptilian threat are just within the tent.  Grab your coffee at the concession stand and head in for some Jurassic Perk.

The first leathery, cold-blooded tale is OF LIZARD GODS AND MEN.  This is the Aboriginal tale of giant carnivorous lizards known as Adnoartina.  Secondly, it is a more well-known dinosaur tale about an amphibious reptile we all know and love.  It’s THE LOCH NESS BLUNDER.  With a title like that, it can’t possibly have a positive ending.  Next, what do you get when you cross a couple of rednecks with a fifteen thousand pound dinosaur in the woods?  Find out in ANKLE SORE US.

Next time, it’s out of the land of the lost and back to the realm of the unreal.  Away from the terrible lizards and back to the terrifying tales ready and waiting for you in the sideshow when the Circus of the Unknown is open for business yet again.  Charlie will be waiting for your return.  Don’t disappoint him.

SOME SACRIFICES HAVE TO BE MADE

What dark gods await appeasement through blood sacrifices, ladies and gentlemen?  Charlie Barker knows a few.  He’ll tell you all about three of them today.

When a betrothed couple have a picnic, they will wish they never stumbled across THE CLEARING IN THE WOODS.  Then, it’s off to Billings, Montana, as part of our “States of Fear” road trip.  Here, you will hear the real life account of the sacrifice made by the Apsáalooke tribe (also known as the Crow Native Americans).  It’s time for a BIG LEAP INTO BIG SKY.  Then, we try to make out what is going on BY THE LIGHT OF THE HONEY MOON.  It’s a bed and breakfast situated in a cozy little spot just this side of hell.

The sideshow has hit capacity, my friends.  This is not a bad thing.  It just means that we have to turn patrons away until next time.  Please, come back again.  It’s no sacrifice to do so.