curses

YULE BE SORRY

Ho ho hold on there.  You don’t think ole Charlie Barker would let you get by without a little Christmas cheer, did you?  It’s very festive at the sideshow today.  It’s time for a trio of holiday treats.

What could be a better present that getting THE FAMILY PORTRAIT.  Too bad the canvas shows something terrible instead.  It’s also time to set up that CHRISTMAS VILLAGE.  All those miniatures sure look real, don’t they?  Then, nothing says the holidays like an old hag with a broomstick.  WE WITCH YOU A MERRY CHRISTMAS has just the thing for your seasonal delight.

There’s just one left, ladies and gents.  Come back for the end of the year closeout special at the Sideshow of the Surreal.  Until then, Merry Christmas!

CAT-ASTROPHY

They tried to tell ole Charlie, but he didn’t listen.  Now, he is paying the price.  You just can’t feed every stray that wanders into the sideshow.  Not only do they come back, but they bring their friends.  Now, the Sideshow of the Surreal is overrun with cats!

And that little one is absolutely charming?  I love its large, blue single eye in the middle of its head.  Who couldn’t love THE CYCLOPS KITTEN?  Then, make sure you give a wide berth to THE CAT IN THE ROAD.  It looks like it has a secret.  A deadly one.  And then, it may be time for a WELL CHECK to be certain the hoarding of all these cats doesn’t adversely impact the quality of life (or death) of the caretaker.

How do you get rid of a thousand cats?  Cat-a-pult?  You’ve got to be kitten me!

HARDSHIP OF FOOLS

Old Charlie Barker wanted to invite you into the sideshow tent this time again, but someone has sewn shut the flap.  It seems there is trickery in the air.  Must be the season.

We have to follow MONTWEAZEL’S JOURNEY TO PAPER TOWN to find out where to go from there.  If that didn’t help, we must figure out THE MYSTERY OF THE MONKEY CANDLE STICK HOLDER.  Failing that, just realize that it is APRIL FOOL’S and give up.  It’s all some kind of joke, isn’t it?

Sorry about all the funny business.  Next time, things will be different.  After all, we wouldn’t want to lose our favorite patron of the putrid and perverse.  Then, the joke would truly be on us.

CURSES, FOILED AGAIN!

Char is no stranger to curses.  What else would explain the way his sideshow went up in flames and trapped him inside?  Luckily, he is somewhat of a curse himself as his apparition continues to appear to tell terrifying tales.

Take, for example, the three horror stories today.  All deal with curses of their own.  First, an artist passes a curse along to his patrons in STILL LIFE AND DEATH.  Secondly, in the days when tuberculosis was incurable, a couple of men hit it big in business.  One of them, however, just wants to succeed on his own in THE GRAVESTONE CUTTER’S APPRENTICE.  And then, a woman just wants some peace and solitude in her THE CLAWFOOT BATHTUB, but keeps seeing visions of murder every time she tries to soak in the suds.

Thank you for continuing to come through the flaps of the sideshow.  Charlie Barker appreciates it.  He keeps a treasure trove of tales just for you.  Come again.