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Monster Haiku – Demon

Monster Haiku Mon·ster Hai·ku

noun, plural 
1. Compound phrase from Monster (meaning a large, mythical, or scary beast) and Haiku (a Japanese form of poetry consisting of 17 syllables total divided into 3 lines of 5, 7, and 5 syllables).
2. A scary-themed story of four related Haiku poems. 

Demon Monster Haiku

Minion of evil
A slave to the unholy
Kin to unrighteous

Possesses someone
Head turns completely around
Holy water burns

Sheets cover bedposts
Bile, blood, and levitation
Hard exorcism

Driven out for now
Plenty more to take over
Maybe it is you 

Waiting for the Zombie Apocalypse – OR – what to expect when you’re expecting (the undead)

We all know the world is going to end at the dirt-encrusted fingernails of the undead throngs. We all have our contingency plans. It’s a forgone conclusion that we must fight to survive. So, what do we do while waiting for the ravenous corpses to unearth themselves and pillage the world?

In the first few days after the zombie uprising, folks will be running around like proverbial headless chickens. The key to survival in this period is just to keep your head on – and down. For about 48-96 hours, the hordes of undead will be sucking brains and tearing flesh on anything milling about. It will be chaos, kind of like the first snowstorm of the season when everyone forgets how to drive for a while. Be smart and stay out of sight. Fortify silently and unseen. Zombies have a shelf life, which most people forget. Outlast them until they fall apart.

Next, will be the “dog-eat-dog” phase, where those smart enough to survive will fight each other for meager resources. You need to defend what you have, but know when to cut and run. There are always more strongholds to secure. If you can’t defend, it is time to flee. Survivors will find the path of least resistance – which can be to take what you left behind if you decide to run. There are no heroes in the apocalyptic nightmare. This can last anywhere from one week to a year after the onset of Armageddon. Eventually, even the most nomadic raiders have to settle down.

The third phase is what will get even the most steadfast of survivors. Boredom. Once you’ve defending your shopping mall stronghold, what’s next? Best to think about that ahead of time or you might find yourself opening the padlocked gates and letting the undead chase you around just for kicks and grins. Not smart.

Electronics are the Devil. Yep. I said it. We are all drawn in by the glowing screens and buzzing portable devices OF DEATH. You can’t ride out the end of your days addicted to something that makes you as brainless as the ravenous throngs outside your makeshift blockades. Even before the undead rose, I would look around and see zombie-like creatures with their noses magnetically attached to smart phones, iPads, and the like. I have had lunch with a group of friends, all of which cannot turn off or even put down those devices to carry out a normal conversation. Sucked in by evil. All of it. Avoid the Devil.

You can’t plug in these things after the grid goes down. Satellites in orbit need monitoring and management. The Internet is not going to be around, folks, when the zombies come. Best get used to it. You will be living in a world without electronics. I would like to amass objects that intrinsically defy electricity. Things like books. Games. Raw materials used to create. Tools. These things will be invaluable during the zombie apocalypse. They will keep you from going mad.

As a writer, one of the best things I can have during the Armageddon is an old fashioned, manually (not electric!) typewriter. Some ribbon, paper and hey – I can create my own entertainment. Better yet, I can use my skill to trade for goods in the open market. Original stories will be good as gold once 99% of the world’s writers are taken out by the undead. Hey, I can dream, right?

So, to wrap up…creativity is a gift from God. Electronics are the Devil. Zombies will eat you, but fall apart easily under normal wear and tear. People will kill you to get what is yours, defend what’s yours or run away accordingly. Your own worst enemy is boredom, so prepare for it now while you wait for the zombie apocalypse.

THAT’S NEWS TO ME

All the news that’s fit to print is just perfect to line birdcages and wrap fish.  Charlie Barker takes aim at the press today in the trilogy of terror known as CreepyGram and the Mourning Show.  The media takes center stage in the Circus of the Unknown.

The first tale of the printed perverse is about THE LAST PIECE OF JUNK MAIL EVER.  You would think that the apocalypse would have stopped the purveyance of particularization.  Secondly, it’s GOLDEN YELLOW JOURNALISM about a personalized digital assistant relating the daily events in the not-too-distant-future.  Then, THE TATTLER is a gossip tabloid in a university with some morbid headlines.  Let’s hope there’s no cutting class.

The Sideshow of the Surreal will be back next time.  Until then, enjoy a good newspaper.  They are perfect for making pirate hats or paper boats.  You can even carve pumpkins on them really well.  Just don’t read too much into them.

PAR FOR THE CORPSE

Last week, Charlie talked about graves and grave matters.  This is all fine and good, but there is a prerequisite to being buried in the final resting place.  You have to be dead. This episode is all about those cadaverous corpses.  Charlie puts the toe tag on three tales in the morgue of the macabre.

The first corpse on the slab is about a real life dumping ground for murder victims.  It’s THE UNMARKED GRAVEYARD.  Just hope you aren’t interned there.  Next, a philanthropist BENEFACTOR has bequeathed his fortune to charity after his death.  But what if there isn’t any body to take care of it.  Then, it’s off to military training where real corpses are used to test ballistic impacts on people.  The ghoulish aftermath is JUST LIKE IN THE MOVIES.

Aspiration is a wonderful trait, but it can lead to disappointment.  Fear not, though.  The one stage we can all reach is death.  It’s the only race that we want to come in last, though.